Sue Scheff: Parenting 18 Year Olds

With my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, we hear from parents on a daily basis. I can’t count the number of times parents call us when their teenager has become or nearing the legal age to be considered an adult (18 years old) and realize that all their hoping and praying that the negative behavior would change, is only escalating. Don’t be a parent in denial – be a responsible parent and help to get your teenager on a positive track for their future. Don’t wait until you are at your Wit’s End!

“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wits end! What can I do?” – Anonymous Parent.

18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.

It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.

This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.

In the past 9+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.

I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change.

The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.

At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults – and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In many cases, if teen/adult know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parenting Teens Today

Are you at your wit’s end?

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.

Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
Is your teen verbally abusive?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Does he/she steal?
Is your teen sexually active?
Teen pregnancy?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Mood Swings? Anxiety?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Juvenile Delinquent?
Conduct Disorder?
Bipolar?
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?


Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.



Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.

Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:
· Helping Teens - not Harming them
· Building them up - not Breaking them down
· Positive and Nurturing Environments - not Punitive
· Family Involvement in Programs - not Isolation from the teen
· Protect Children - not Punish them

Sue Scheff: Counseloring Cuts Down on Youth Drinking

Source: Connect with Kids

“If it comes from me, I’m the objective observer. I’m interested in the child, and I try to let them know that. I want what’s best for them, but yet it’s not Mom or Dad saying that.”

– Rhonda Jeffries, M.D., Pediatrician

It’s a troubling fact of life: some kids drink.

“Especially the older they get,” says Dr. Rhonda Jeffries, a pediatrician. “And by senior year, 50 percent or more of kids are drinking. And in fact, by 12th grade, usually 80 percent of the kids have tried alcohol.”

But can a doctor persuade kids not to drink? Kids seem to think so.

“I think coming from somebody besides, maybe, just the parents for some people it will help,” says 18-year-old Andrew Scott, a high school senior.

Lars Thrasher, 17, agrees. “I would think it would be more helpful from a doctor,” he says.

And Christine Terrell, calls doctors advice on drinking and other potentially touchy subjects “extremely beneficial.”

According to a study published in the Annals of Family Medicine, when a physician spends just a few minutes talking to kids about the dangers of alcohol, those kids are 50 percent less likely to drink.

Dr. Jeffries says: “If it comes from me, I’m the objective observer. I’m interested in the child, and I try to let them know that. I want what’s best for them, but yet it’s not Mom or Dad saying that.”

The study reports when kids talked with their doctor, they had 55 percent fewer traffic accidents, 42 percent less emergency room visits and fewer arrests for underage drinking. It seems that when doctors warn kids about alcohol, they listen.

Christine Terrell explains: “They’re not invested in you as their child. They’re invested in you for your health, for your interests, for your sake. And I would definitely listen to a doctor, and I have listened to doctors who have talked to me about subjects like that.”

The study suggests it’s a good idea to ask your doctor to talk with your children about alcohol. Of course, experts add, parents should bring up the subject as well. “They need to be open to discussion and to bringing these issues up with their kids,” says Dr. Jeffries. “And I think that parents who are in touch with their kids and connected to them are really helpful in getting their children though adolescence without negative effects.”

LaShauna Pellman, 17, sums it up best. “If my parents tell me something,” she says, “then I listen to them even more.”

Tips for Parents

Alcohol-related fatalities are a leading cause of death among young adults in the United States. In the United States, 70.8 percent of all deaths among persons aged 10 to 24 result from only four causes – motor-vehicle crashes, other unintentional injuries, homicide and suicide.

Should your family doctor take just a few moments to counsel your child about the risks of alcohol, there is great potential for positive outcome. Just a few minutes of a doctor's counseling helped young adults reduce their high-risk drinking and the number of traffic crashes, emergency room visits, and arrests for substance or liquor violations, says a study in the Annals of Family Medicine. Consider the following:

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.
Alcohol is a leading factor in the three leading causes of death for 15- to 24-year-olds: automobile crashes, homicide and suicide.

Primary-care doctors should make it a priority to counsel young adults about high-risk drinking. Young adults, ages 18 to 30, who received counseling about reducing their use of alcohol:

Experienced a 40 to 50 percent decrease in alcohol use.
Reported 42 percent fewer visits to the emergency room.
Were involved in 55 percent fewer motor vehicle crashes.

The ways a parent can influence his or her teen’s drinking habits is complex. A universal method regarding what works best in preventing underage drinking may not exist. A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that a parent’s attitude toward drinking influences a child's behavior in various ways. One controversial finding was that teens who drank with their parents were less likely than others to have binged or used alcohol at all in recent weeks. Others, of course, argue passionately that parents who drink with their underage children are not only breaking the law but encouraging dangerous behavior that can lead to life-long consequences.

The Journal study also found that strict parenting can curb kids' drinking. Teens who said they feared they would have their privileges taken away if they got caught drinking were half as likely to drink as those who thought their parents would not punish them. In addition, consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Teenagers who said their parents or their friends' parents had provided alcohol for a party during the past year were twice as likely as their peers to have used alcohol or binged during the previous month.

Nearly 75 percent of teens surveyed said they had never used alcohol.
About 25 percent of t

eens in the study said they'd been at party in the past year where parents supplied alcohol.
Fourteen percent of teens surveyed said they were with their parents the last time they drank.

References
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
Focus Adolescent Services
Health Day
National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Reuters
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
University of California, Irvine

Sue Scheff: Aniexty Disorders

Source: Connect with Kids

“Instead of looking at the whole picture, I’ll be looking at the dots and lines in a picture.”

– Courtney, 17 years old

Seventeen-year-old Courtney is obsessed with saving. She saves everything—even hair. She even saves hair from her brush or off of her shirt.

Daye Blackmon, Courtney’s mother, says she saved “hair that she may find on her shirt, in her brush—she saved it at the foot of her bed.”

Courtney eventually examines each piece of hair. Daye says that “in Courtney’s mind” there may be something important on the hair that Courtney didn’t want to throw away.

Courtney suffers from a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It started when she was 13.

At the root of it is extreme anxiety.

But she’s found an unusual way to cope. Courtney narrates everything she does. She checks behind herself every time she leaves a room, a ritual is so intrusive that it once took her more than two hours to walk up the stairs to her bedroom.

Her mom says, “It seems like everything she does is a ritual.”

Experts say, not every child with anxiety or obsessive behaviors will be diagnosed with O-C-D. But the sooner you can get treatment, the less likely it will develop into something worse.

Dr. John Piacentini, clinical child psychologist, explains, “Many of these kids don’t grow out of it, they won’t grow out of it, and so kind of ignoring it or thinking that it’s not a problem can really lead to more severe problems down the road.”

For those, like Courtney, behavior therapy and medication can help.

And, experts say, parents can help kids through anxious moments and obsessive behavior by showing them positive ways of coping.

“I think you’re actually trying to teach your child to be flexible. Give them different different options—even if that’s different rituals—just so they’re not always stuck with one coping mechanism,” says Dr. Vincent Ho, child psychiatrist.

Courtney’s behavior therapy and medication have helped a lot, but her mom says that she still has a long way to go.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problems that occur in children and adolescents. According to one large-scale study of 9 to 17 year olds, entitled Methods for the Epidemiology of Child and Adolescent Mental Disorders (MECA), as many as 13 percent of young people had an anxiety disorder in a year. Types of anxiety disorders include:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder: symptoms include exaggerated worry and tension over everyday events.
Panic Disorder: characterized by feelings of extreme fear and dread that strike unexpectedly and repeatedly for no apparent reason, often accompanied by intense physical symptoms, such as chest pain, pounding heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, or abdominal distress.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): a condition that can occur after exposure to a terrifying event, most often characterized by the repeated re-experience of the ordeal in the form of frightening, intrusive memories, and brings on hypervigilance and deadening of normal emotions.

Phobias: social phobia, extreme fear of embarrassment or being scrutinized; specific phobia, excessive fear of an object or situation, such as dogs, heights, loud sounds, flying, costumed characters, enclosed spaces, etc.
Separation anxiety disorder - excessive anxiety concerning separation from the home or from those to whom the person is most attached

Selective mutism - persistent failure to speak in specific social situations.

One of the most debilitating of the anxiety disorders is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is a type of disorder in which time-consuming obsessions and compulsions significantly interfere with a person’s routine, making it difficult to work or to have a normal social life or relationships. OCD can strike at any age but often begins in adolescence or early adulthood. Afflicting nearly 4 million Americans, OCD is equally common in men and women and knows no geographic, ethnic, or economic boundaries. Generally, OCD is characterized by two components:

Obsessions - constant, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety or disgust. Children experiencing obsessions recognize that these persistent images are a product of their own mind and are excessive or unreasonable. Yet, these intrusive thoughts cannot be settled by logic or reasoning. For example, some people may constantly fear bringing harm or injury to themselves or others or worry excessively about germs and contamination.

Compulsions - urges to do something to lessen discomfort, usually discomfort that is caused by an obsession. Rituals are the behaviors in which children engage in response to a compulsion. In the most severe cases, a constant repetition of rituals may fill the day, making a normal routine impossible. Compounding the anguish these rituals cause is the knowledge that the compulsions are irrational. Examples of compulsions include:

Cleaning - Provoked by the fear that real or imagined germs, dirt, or chemicals will "contaminate" them, some spend hours and hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings.

Repeating - To dispel anxiety, some utter a name, phrase, or behavior several times. They know these repetitions won’t actually guard against injury but fear harm will occur if they don’t do it.

Completing - People with this compulsion must perform a series of complicated behaviors in an exact order or repeat them again and again until they are done perfectly.

Checking - The fear of harming oneself or others by forgetting to lock the door or close the window develops into the ritual of checking.

Being meticulous - While neatness and tidiness don’t signify a disorder, some individuals with OCD develop an overwhelming concern about where things go on a desk or the appearance of a room.
Avoiding - Compulsive avoiders stay away from the cause of their anxiety and anything related to it.

Hoarding - One of the less common compulsions, hoarding involves the constant collection of useless items.
People with this compulsion may collect anything - scraps, newspapers, clothing, containers, cans, stones, even garbage - to the point that rooms are filled, doorways are blocked, and health hazards develop.

Slowness - Also a rather uncommon compulsion that strikes mostly men, this compulsion causes people to do certain tasks very, very slowly.

Other varieties of compulsions include excessive and ritualized praying, counting, and list making.
OCD is not a curable illness, however it can be treated and controlled. Ironically, some of the biggest impediments to the successful treatment of OCD are related to the nature of the illness itself, as well as parental and child perceptions of the effects of the illness. Children and adolescent may feel shame for doing/thinking such bizarre things, coupled with a fear of being considered "weird", "strange" or crazy. The generally secretive nature of the disease, lack of knowledge about OCD, and a fear of medication and/or other types of therapy also serve as to negatively effect treatment of OCD. Without treatment, the prognosis for OCD is not good. The disorder waxes and wanes, but left untreated the OCD will continue indefinitely. Generally only about 10-20% of OCD sufferers have a spontaneous remission of symptoms without some kind of treatment.

With treatment, the prognosis for OCD is very good. Up to 80% of OCD sufferers improve significantly with proper treatment of behavioral therapy and medication. The two most effective treatments for OCD are drug therapy and behavior therapy.

Currently, the most effective medications for OCD are the SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). These medications have brand names such as Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, and Zoloft as well as the tricyclic Anafranil. These are the only medications proven effective for OCD thus far. Other medications may be added to improve the effect of the SSRI’s. These medications can result in a 40-95% decrease in symptoms if taken properly.

The primary types of behavior therapy used for OCD treatment are exposure and response prevention. While this therapy can initially be anxiety provoking in and of itself, it is the best method of permanently reducing obsessions and compulsions.

Ultimately, the most effective treatment for OCD is a combination of pharmacological and behavioral therapies.

References
National Institute of Mental Health
American Psychiatric Association
Obsessive Compulsive and Spectrum Disorders Association

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) KidsHealth Educational Partner

KidsHealth offers a comprehensive website of articles, helpful tips for parenting, sound advice for teens and kids. Visit http://www.kidshealth.org/ to learn more.

Darrington Academy, Royal Gorge Academy, Carolina Springs Academy, Midwest Academy, Red River Academy, Lisa Irvin, WWASPS etc...

Are you considering any of the following programs for your child? Take a moment to read my experiences - www.aparentstruestory.com as well as my book where you can hear my daughter's experiences for the first time - order today at www.witsendbook.com .

Choosing a program is not only a huge emotional decision, it is a major financial decision - do your homework!

Academy of Ivy Ridge, NY (withdrew their affiliation with WWASPS)
Canyon View Park, MT
Camas Ranch, MT
Carolina Springs Academy, SC
Cross Creek Programs, UT (Cross Creek Center and Cross Creek Manor)
Darrington Academy, GA
Help My Teen, UT (Adolescent Services Adolescent Placement) Promotes and markets these programs.
Gulf Coast Academy, MS
Horizon Academy, NV
Lisa Irvin (Helpmyteen)
Lifelines Family Services, UT (Promotes and markets these programs) Jane Hawley
Majestic Ranch, UT
Midwest Academy, IA (Brian Viafanua, formerly the Director of Paradise Cove as shown on Primetime, is the current Director here)
Parent Teen Guide (Promotes and markets these programs)
Pillars of Hope, Costa Rica
Pine View Christian Academy (Borders FL, AL, MS)
Reality Trek, UT
Red River Academy, LA (Borders TX)
Royal Gorge Academy, CO
Sky View Academy, NV
Spring Creek Lodge, MT
Teen Help, UT (Promotes and markets these programs)
Teens In Crisis
Tranquility Bay, Jamaica

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Your Kids Face Challenges

Connect with Kids is a comprehensive website that offers parenting articles, helpful tips for parents, parent forums and more. They also offer Parenting DVD's on a variety of subjects that affect our kids today. Whether it is Troubled Teens or how to raise successful kids - there is probably a DVD that can help you better understand the issues surrounding our kids today.

Click here for more information and a variety of Parenting DVD's.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Raising Successful Children

By Connect by Kids

Against All Odds

Why do some children succeed while others fail? How do children who face tremendous obstacles find the determination, strength and skills to achieve? And what can parents and educators do to help nurture the resiliency in our own kids?

Against All Odds will give you an inside glimpse into the lives of children who are reaching their personal dreams and goals despite challenges such as poverty, drugs, crime, family problems, cultural differences and more.

“No one really travels from a difficult childhood to a successful adulthood alone.” - Mark Katz, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and author of Playing a Poor Hand Well and other books about nurturing resiliency in children

Watch Against All Odds with your children, so you can learn and discuss the qualities it takes for young people to succeed. Hear from experts about the best ways to support your kids and keep their resiliency alive and working in their favor. And understand the pressures kids face, and how your children can overcome them.

"Wit's End!" by Sue Scheff founder of P.U.R.E.

Troubled teens, struggling teens, teen depression, teen rage, teen anger, adopted teens, out of control teens, at risk teens, substance abuse, runaways, difficult teens - at wit's end!

Pre-order "Wit's End" now.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff - P.U.R.E.

Parent's Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.) has been expanding their direction in helping parents. With the release of my new book in 2008 - "Wit's End!" - P.U.R.E. will be reaching thousands of families worldwide. "Wit's End!" will bring hope, courage, strength and most importantly resources that could lead to relief and bring your family back together. My book is bringing brought to you by the same publishers that gave you Chicken Soup for the Soul book series.

As with the Chicken Soup for the Soul books - "Wit's End!" will bring inspiration.

Sue Scheff - P.U.R.E. Satisfaction!

Wow - in 2001 when I created Parent's Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.) I never dreamed it would explode the way it has! For 7 years we have been successfully helping thousands of families with their struggling teens and pre-teens. Sometimes it is simply listening and guiding them to local therapists and sometimes it is helping them sort through the confusion of this "child-for-profit" industry.

Whatever the reason a parent, relative, therapist or other professionals call us, we have always been supportive and tried our best to give them resources.

Over the years we have had less than a handful of complaints - which is a very good ratio in consideration that we are working with usually desperate situations and families in crisis. We have received and assisted literally over 10,000 families and are very proud to say we have many letters of gratitude. It is also an honor to be a long standing Member of the Better Business Bureau.

I have been interviewed by many reporters and appeared on TV and Radio - in today's society of teens and the peer pressure they face, parents are reaching out for help. It is a growing epidemic of seeking outside programs and schools, with this, a parent needs to be educated on how to find the best school for their individual child.

With all the attention I am getting, it can be overwhelming. I never dreamed my little organization would become so popular. Like with all success stories, there are always critics. Whether it is jealously that drives them or a simple dislike for me, I respect their opinions - however until you walk my shoes, you will never understand what I have been through.

My book - "Wit's End!" which will be released in 2008 will not only chronicle my story and other real life family situations, it will offer resources, relief and most of all - hope!